When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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