my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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