is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
