nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
