i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
