He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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