White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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