omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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