btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
