I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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