she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
