i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
