The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
