What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
