We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
