dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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