The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
