so that wasnt chicken after all
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
