omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
