she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
