This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
