Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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