Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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