I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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