not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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