i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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