Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
