So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
