I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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