Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
