I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
