so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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