i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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