I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
