College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
