Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
