is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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