She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
