Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
