Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
