Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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