mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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