Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was CRYING into my vagina
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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