Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
