how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
