I just cut my nipple shaving
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
