Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
whose ass print is on the piano?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
