not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
