weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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