Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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